When it comes to relationships, many people find that getting over the first breakup is a special kind of awful. For some reason the end of our first relationship, even if it was a total trainwreck that we knew wasn’t right, has a way of devastating us.
“Most of us enter first relationships with more optimism: we may have hopes and dreams for the future and when the relationship disintegrates, we are shattered,” Caleb Backe, health and wellness expert at Maple Holistics, tells Bustle. “Even if we saw it coming, we are often surprised; we may have never really imagined it would end so quickly. When we’ve never experienced something before, we don’t necessarily know how to deal with it and recover.”
Without the tools and experience of having had a relationship fall apart before, it can feel like scary, impossible territory. But what you may find helpful is that is true for so many people. The first breakup may be especially tough — and you’re not alone in that. So when it feels like a totally overwhelming, unique pain, remember that other people have been there, too.
Sometimes a few words of wisdom can help push you in the right direction and remind you that what you’re feeling is pretty much universal. Here are some quotes to help guide you through that first breakup.
“Everything Will Be OK In The End. If It’s Not OK, It’s Not The End.” – John Lennon
Remember, this is temporary. Soon enough, you won’t feel like this anymore.
“Beauty Is When You Appreciate Yourself. When You Appreciate Yourself, That’s When You’re The Most Beautiful.” – Zoe Kravitz
Focus on you, focus on feeling better and loving yourself — only then are you ready to move on.
“My Friends, Love Is Better Than Anger. Hope Is Better Than Fear. Optimism Is Better Than Despair. So Let Us Be Loving, Hopeful And Optimistic. And We’ll Change The World.” – Jack Layton
It can feel like your first breakup totally destroyed your faith in love and relationships — but don’t let it. You may have had your heart (and your trust) broken, but you’ll bounce back.
“Love Is Like An Hourglass, With The Heart Filling Up As The Brain Empties.” – Jules Renard
Sometimes, it’s good to remember that how we feel when we’re in love isn’t always rational.
“If The Hurt Comes, So Will The Happiness.” – Rupi Kaur
Make sure to make room for it.
“Love Is Not Love Which Alters When It Alteration Finds.” – William Shakespeare
This is from a sonnet that’s often read at weddings, but it’s helpful during a breakup, too. It’s basically saying that if it wasn’t steadfast, if their feelings changed, then it wasn’t really love in the first place.
“This Is A Good Sign, Having A Broken Heart. It Means We Have Tried For Something.” – Elizabeth Gilbert
Just a healthy little reminder that scars are sometimes a part of the process, and that going through the process is a good thing.
“When You Leave/Weary Of Me/Without A Word I Shall Gently Let You Go.” – Kim Sowol
This is a fancy way of saying if they’re over you then take the high road and let them move along. You’ll find someone else.
“When You Are Broken And He Has Left You Do Not Question Whether You Were Enough The Problem Was You Were So Enough He Was Not Able To Carry It.” – Rupi Kaur
Remind yourself that you are enough.
“If You Really Want Closure… At Some Point You Have To Shut The Door.” – Jacki Wells Wunderlin
Some of us, myself included, have a tendency to pick at scabs and not just let things die. But really closure means letting it go.
“Trust, Let Go, And Make Room For What’s Coming.” – Mandy Hale
Something else will come in to fill that space, whether it’s a relationship or something even better.
“Stand For Something. Make Your Life Mean Something. Start Where You Are Without You Have. You Are Enough.” – Germany Kenty
It’s so helpful to remember that there’s more to you than your love life. There’s a lot of other amazing stuff about you to focus on and nurture.
“You Are Allowed To Be A Masterpiece And A Work In Progress Simultaneously.” — Sophia Bush
Getting over a breakup can be tough — especially if it’s your first. But remember, you’re not alone. So many of us have been there and gotten through it. You can, too.